You know how people have these little habits that get you down.
Like ... Bernie.
Bernie liked to chew gum .
No, not chew.
POP.
So I came home this one day
And I am really irritated, and looking for a little bit of sympathy,
And there's Bernie, lyingon the couch, drinking a beer and chewing.
No, not chewing.
POPPING !!
So, I said to him,
I said, "Bernie, you pop that gum one more time..."
... And he did .
So I took the shotgun off the wall
And I fired two warning shots...
... Into his head.
I met Ezekiel Young from Salt Lake city about two years ago .
And he told me he was single
And we hit it off right away.
So, we started living together.
He'd go to work, he'd come home, I'd fix him a drink, we'd have dinner.
And then I found out.
"Single" he told me?
Single, my ass !!
Not only was he married, oh no.
He had six wives .
One of those Mormons, you know.
So that night, when he came home from work,
I fixed him his drink, as usual.
You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic.
Now, I'm standing in the kitchen
Corking the chicken for dinner.
Minding my own business.
and storms my husband Wilbur in a jealous rage.
"You been screwin' the milkman !!" he says.
He was crazy and he kept on screaming,
"You been screwin the milkman !!"
And then he ran into my knife.
He ran into my knife ten times .
My sister, Veronica and I did this double act .
And my husband, Charlie, travelled round with us.
Now, for the last number in our act, we did these 20 acrobatics in the row .
One, two, three, four, five, splits, spread eagles, back flips, flip flops, one right after the other.
Well, this one night we've been in teh hotel Cicero .
The three of us, boozing, having a few laughs .
And we ran out of ice, so i go out to get some .
I come back, open the door ...
And there's Veronica and Charlie doing Number Seventeen :
THE SPREAD EAGLE.
Well, I was in such a state of shock,
I completely blacked out, I can't remember a thing.
It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands
I even knew they were dead.
I loved Alvin Lipschitz more than I can possibly say.
He was a real artistic guy... sensitive... a painter.
But he was always trying to find himself.
He'd go out every night looking for himself and on the way
He found Ruth, Gladys, Rosemary and Irving.
I guess you can say we broke up because or artistic differences.
He saw himself as alive ...
... And I saw him dead.